May 28, 2025: Friendships and Boundaries - Time to Be Honest! Sometimes you just have to let off some steam and be honest - even when it stings. Today is one of those days.
Visitor stress and why planning is worth its weight in gold
My best friend wanted to visit me at the end of June - great idea! But here comes the big BUT: We haven't set a concrete date. All my other visitors do this with me, and you know what? It works perfectly! The visit is in the calendar, everyone can plan around it, and nobody's stressed.
Here's the thing that many people don't understand: Our visitors have vacation - we live here! That means while they're trying to relax, our everyday life just goes on as normal. When we take time off, it costs us our own precious vacation days.
Last year that was exactly our problem: Michael and I ended up with no vacation left for ourselves. We made nice days for everyone else, but our own rest? Nothing! No time to breathe, no time for us as a couple - that just can't be.
Now she said we'd talked about the end of June. Maybe! We talk about a lot of things, but without a firm date, that's just talk. In the five days she has in mind, I have to work three times - that means three times twelve hours away from home! Plus another appointment. That makes absolutely no sense with 1100 km of travel!
And then one word led to another... Now we probably have a fight. That annoys me because I didn't want that at all.
Friendship in different life phases - being honest about it
Then there's my other long-time friend. Almost four decades of friendship! The age difference was never a problem - until now.
She only talks about her grandchildren anymore. Vacations, birthdays, career paths - everything revolves around the little ones. Links, photos, the whole package. It's completely overwhelming!
I need to be honest here: I'm not interested in her grandchildren. Period. I don't know them, and I'm deliberately living a grandchild-free life. That's my choice and my right!
Of course, I could just keep scrolling - I did that for a long time. But why should I? I want to be informed about topics that interest me! I want to be spared from things that annoy me. Is that too much to ask?
What I'm learning from this
These situations get me down because these people matter to me. But maybe it's also an opportunity:
Setting boundaries is okay! It's completely fine to say: "I need concrete dates" or "These topics don't interest me."
Honesty in friendships is important - even when it gets uncomfortable sometimes.
My time and my nerves are valuable - and I'm allowed to protect them.
I'll see how it all develops. But one thing's clear: I won't suffer in silence anymore just to please others. Real friendship should be able to respect my needs too.
